Altered News

Editor's note -- Flippantly Florida is broadening its format to include Facebook Likes because this blog needs something new to do.

"Don't look at me in that tone of voice."

- DOROTHY PARKER

No Brainer

 Editor's note --  The Real Harry Reid.

The Wrongest Man To Ever 

Utter The Phrase "Fiscal Cliff" 

While John Boehner 

Shoots Daggers From His Eyeballs.

(AP) Democrats Toughen Stance On Trimming Benefits 

"Folks, I Can Tell You"

Editor's note --  The Real Joe Biden.

The Wrongest Man To Ever 
Utter Wrong Things For 
Four More Years.

This picture of Joe Biden was not in The Onion. 

The Vice President on the campaign trail in Wisconsin 

Photo: Getty

Not One Single Day!

Editor's note -- Diamond Joe has never been proud to be Vice President, although he did look sharp in his lucky debate suit. 

Via Mediaite and forwarded to The Onion:

Speaking before a campaign rally this afternoon, Vice President Joe Biden made a bit of an unfortunate gaffe.

“I’ll tell you what,” he said to the Wisconsin crowd, “there’s never been a day in the last four years I’ve been proud to be his vice president.”

Without realizing that he had essentially just said he despises being President Barack Obama‘s vice president, Biden smiled and continued: “Not one single day. Not one single day.”

Watch below:

Joe Biden: 'There's Never Been A Day In The Last Four Years I've Been Proud To Be His Vice President'

 http://mediaite.com/a/tuybr  cc:@TheOnion

"A Copious Stream"

Editor's note -- Diamond Joe unleashed a torrent of vomit on the debate stage while Martha Radditz continued to not interrupt him. 

Biden assured Raddatz that the incident was unusual and that he hadn’t “painted the floor like that in at least a month.”

All his opponent could do was splooge hot budget "wonk" in reply.

RT @OnionPolitics Biden Unleashes Torrent Of Vomit On Debate Stage onion.com/SV1SZT

Bibi Bomb

Editor's note --  The New Yorker held a caption contest because of Israeli P.M. Netanyahu's speech at the U.N. the other day. 

"I know that the subject is serious; that is just one reason why the graphic, which he apparently made at Kinkos, is so ridiculous," said Robert Mankoff, Cartoon Bureau.

"Thanks to Bibi for being such a good sport in agreeing to select the top three captions. That Bibi, he’s the bomb."

The Wall Street Journal tweeted the winning caption:  

David Wessel ‏@davidmwessel

N'Yorker Netanyahu Caption Contest: The Winners "We cannot let Iran acquire Christmas tree ornaments" http://is.gd/69Y0xm 

Keystone Address

Editor's note -- via The Onion -- Accepting his renomination at the Democratic National Convention on Thursday, Vice President Joe Biden tapped the top of an Icehouse tallboy, cracked it open, and said, 

“Things are definitely better today than back in ’08, but is this the summer of ’87? Not a fucking chance,” said Biden,

The Vice President reminisced about his days as a carefree 44-year-old senator cruising the Delaware boardwalks.

A replier to Washington Post political wonk Ezra  Klein's retweet noted that the "dude should be drinking Keystone (Scranton)"

Ezra Klein ‏@ezraklein

RT @TheOnion: Biden Says Life Better Than It Was Four Years Ago But Nothing Can Touch Summer Of '87 http://onion.com/SooQbX